“Once every 24 hours, you must, without fail, make a wish, and toss a coin fairly. If you guess the toss correctly, your wish is granted. If you guess incorrectly, the results of the wish are given to the person on Earth you least want to have it.”
It’s lunch and I’m throwing imaginary daggers at Amanda. Look at her, sat there, the bitch. How dare she smile. In my head, a clown enters the room and dumps a bowl of jelly on her head. Her shirt is as red as her cheeks are, burning with humiliation and red dye number 2. In reality, I watch her mouth close around a ham and salad cream sandwich and I suppress a snarl. My ham and salad cream sandwich that she stole from me.
It’s okay though. I hadn’t used today’s wish yet. I could use it to make the clown real, but my uniform is clean on today and my other needs washing, so I don’t want to take the risk that I get the coin toss wrong – that clown could dump the jelly on me. I could still save it for a chocolate gateaux as my birthday cake, but the thought of her having that too, on my birthday, tastes almost as sour as watching her swallow the sandwich down.
No, I’m going to do this in the most British way I can think of. A wish that conveys as much quiet disapproval as a “tsk” at someone with their feet on the bus chair does. The thing is, I’ll win either way.
I toss the coin.
“I wish for a hot cup of Yorkshire Tea… milk first.”
You can view the Reddit thread here, but there weren’t any submissions other than mine.